Genius
by mercurialmaven
Summary: Spock's a genius and he JUST wants to help.


**Title: Genius**

**Author: Mercurial Maven**

**Pairing: Spock/Uhura**

**Rating: M**

**Disclaimer: Don't own it. Don't sue. What would you get anyway? A cat you'd hate. That's right. *leans in and does Yoda stare* A cat you'd hate.**

**Author's Notes/Warnings: **This fic contains mentions "menstrual humor." So if you're grossed out by such things or just don't find this kind of humor funny, than don't read. Inspired by KayeKaye1 over on Livejournal, who misread something I wrote and inspired this Monster energy drink fueled madness. Read at your own risk.

Spock thumbed his new invention with an amount of glee he had not experienced since he was a child. His mind thought back to creations in his past; a replicator that produced only muffins in various flavors. His mother had an almost obsessive predilection for muffins. A communicator that translated white noise into tangible standard.

He frowned. That particular invention had managed to convince her that their home was "haunted." Upon finding out what this term meant, he quickly disassembled it. Sarek had not been pleased.

"Your mother is easily frightened," He explained, a hint of irritation in his tone, "Must you make her think her superstitions have validity?"

To his young mind these contraptions were works of art and tangible evidence of his prowess as a scientist. But nothing, nothing, could compare to what he held in his hands. He rose from his desk to put on a kettle of tea just as his door chime sounded the arrival of a guest.

"Spock?" Nyota's voice floated over the empty space to caress his ears. "Where are you?"

He quickly put his creation into a gift bag, remembering how much she enjoyed surprises. His entrance into the sitting room with the parcel caused her face to light up, before she quickly tamped it down.

She was getting better with her emotional control, he mused to himself, though he was pleased to see that she was just as taken with his gift as he was.

"What's in the bag?" And also just as blunt. Depositing the package onto the coffee table, he touched her arm quickly to keep her from peeking too soon. No, not yet.

"I wish to explain to you my motivations Nyota."

Her eyebrow shot up in response. This was beginning to look like a lecture; the last thing she needed when she was so close to a present.

"I...uh...okay?"

"Please. Be seated." Nyota looked around the room and slowly sat down, perching herself delicately on the edge of the sofa, her eyes darting from the bag, to Spock, and back. "You must know that I think of you often." He folded his hands behind his back and studied a spot just over her shoulder. He either had the most interesting blinds in the world or this topic was making him very uncomfortable.

"I noticed, last month, that you were in distress. You had failed to acquire necessary articles for your.." He paused, considering how to word the next portion of his sentence, "monthly biological release of unused placenta."

Nyota's eyes widened and then returned to their regular size. Monthly biological...what? "Spock...are you talking about my period?"

Nyota Uhura was privy to many Vulcan behaviors and none of them included 'fidgeting', but the slight tensing of Spock's shoulders alerted her to that fact that he was twisting his fingers behind his back.

"Yes, I do believe that is the common colloquialism used to describe the event." He regarded her for a moment before returning to the intense study of his shades. "I do not find solace in you being ill at ease, and so, I have invented a permanent solution that will benefit you greatly."

"Oh...wow...I.."

"Am speechless? I know. As I said Nyota. You are always in my thoughts." Nyota's smile, while wide, could not hide the slight twitch that had seemed to overtake her right eye.

"Is it okay if I look at it?" She said, reaching for the bag again, unsure of whether he would pounce forward. The suspense was killing her. Her boyfriend was a genius, so maybe this was some kind of sonic tampon, or a special insertable egg that turned blood into rum. She would certainly need some to keep a straight face during the unveiling of Spock's new discovery.

"By all means." He motioned toward the bag with a newly freed hand and clasped both in front of him, a glimmer of expectation on his face. Her hand trembled around the brown paper and she took a deep breath as she boldly pulled out the device.

Jesus take the wheel. It looked like a jock strap, but instead of having a neat strip of cloth to cover the loins, it held a 7 inch thick layer of super absorbent poly-cotton stretching from front to back to cover the rear. The belt, constructed of Flexivar, had only enough give to allow each leg in. There were two pads on each side with displays and small keypads.

"Baby...you made me a diaper?" She raised her eyes to him quizzically, holding up the undergarment with a hint of amusement in her eyes.

Spock titled his head to the side. This invention was surely not diaper like. "Diaper implies a rudimentary piece of cloth or polyurethane fashioned to catch the excrement of human babies or the elderly. You are holding a Sanitary Belt."

The most appropriate event to occur, for Nyota, at this time would be for the floor to open up and allow her to slip through it so that she could go get a latte.

"Spock...what are the keypads on the side for?"

Letting out a held breath, he stepped forward, accepting that the complexity of the instrument may require explanation. He cleared his throat softly and began.

"You've often complained of certain uncomfortable shifting, the pads prevent this by locking the belt in place. The locks can be deactivated by entering a passcode of your choice. They also function as timers, to alert you to when your cycle is finished."

"How thoughtful of you." This was getting hilarious.

"The belt is made of Flexivar. I wanted to find a material that could withstand your constant movement, and not cause undue friction to your skin. Flexivar is also very strong, so should you experience a fall-"

"Or someone aiming to shoot me in my pelvis?"

"The chances of that happening are below 2%, but yes. You will be protected. Finally, the poly-cotton is an extra absorbent blend that is used to soak up industrial toxic waste spills."

"Uh-huh..."

"The miniscule amount of blood you produce will barely have an effect on it."

"And, please, as I'm curious. Can I wash it with the laundry?"

"It requires dry-cleaning." Okay that was it. Nyota could no longer contain her laughter. She had no idea how she ended up on the floor, struggling to breath, her Sanitary Belt clutched to her chest.

Spock stood before her, confused. She was not angry, but this scenario was missing the expected displays of gratitude. There was no squeal, kiss, or fellatio. "I don't understand your reaction. Perhaps I presented improperly?"

She was gasping, struggling to get some kind of words out. He had put so much thought and work into this, but if he thought she was going to wear his electric menstrual diaper he was mistaken. Her hands clutched at the coffee table and she pulled herself up. Wiping tears from her eyes she stood and walked to him. Placing a gentle kiss on his lips, she pulled back and commenced to laughing again, her head thrown back in wild abandon.

"Sweetheart thank you. This is the most thoughtful gift anyone has ever made for me."

Spocks eyes narrowed. "Better than the "turkey hand" card you received for Valentines Day when you were completing your primary education?"

She really shouldn't have told him about that. "Yes, better than the turkey hand card. But..." She kissed him again and placed the belt on the table beside them. "I don't think it's really going to work for me. It's lovely and sophisticated, but it's just..." She chose her words carefully, "too high-tech for my needs."

There was a flash of something across his eyes. Disappointment?

"But I guess I can wear it around the house?"

Spock pulled her into his arms and smoothed his hand down her back. Nyota could sense how pleased he was with her willingness to, at least, try it.

"That would be acceptable."


End file.
